it has been an interesting week...

The last couple weeks have been quite interesting! I'm not sure who is reading this blog any more, but for those who are and who gave me such warm wishes on my birthday--I wanted to send out one giant Thank you!!! It was a great time and has left the air with a magical feeling in it!

I have been so uptight in the last few weeks...what am I kidding myself--years!!! When the new year approached I was filled with an insatiable goal to unwind and find a sort of harmony that was missing in my life. I'm a smart gal and can easily add one thing to another and intellectually understand the changes that would need to be made in my life to find that harmony, however the other part of me--the emotive Lisa has put up as many road blocks as possible in finding that harmony. Paranoia, anxiety, depression, despair, frustration, anger, resentment, guilt...where do these nasty feelings come from? I am mentioning their existence in my life because I fear keeping them hushed and taboo is what perhaps, keeps them in the first place!

When I am mad at Brenton, I say "you have a decision to make!" I think it is about time I take my own advice at learning to harness these emotions. The day wears on and I look at the same emotions building under the surface..."I'm a failure!" "I could work harder" "Life will never look up"...and I stop. I can make the decision to be in control of these emotions, and so that is what I do. I am not a failure--I am human! I could work harder--but I can still work harder and I can't change the past! Life is looking up, it is better every day--I am growing every day! I'm OK, I am deciding...I am dealing with these emotions, I am gaining perspective. I'm OK.